I celebrate this day, 2/22, every year. It was the start of my jettisoning journey. I have accomplished a tremendous amount over the past four years. I dug myself out of a dark hole, climbed an insurmountable mountain, and stayed there for a while. It was nice up there. The air was crisp, the temperature was perfect, and love was effortless and abundant. But then a storm blew in and knocked me off that mountaintop. This storm was so vicious, that not only did it knock me off the mountain, but it threw me back into the dark hole. But this time, the hole was deeper, and it was darker, and it nearly killed me. And since I had already been here and successfully escaped, I questioned whether I was deserving of that mountaintop. For if I was, I would still be up there, and not back in this hole. Maybe this hole was actually where I belonged. And so I sat in this hole, day after day, believing this was my new home and where I deserved to be. It was so dark there. So much darker than before. I didn't want anyone to come visit me in my hole. I was ashamed. I didn't want to take the chance they, too, would fall in the hole. So, I sat in the hole, alone. Some days I succumbed to the darkness and believed everything it was trying to tell me: I was undeserving of that mountaintop, but other days I found my strength. I am not only talking about physical strength. Mental strength is what I need to climb my way back to the top of that mountain. I need my strength to overshadow the darkness because it is very, very strong, and persistent and persuasive. But I am stronger. I have beaten it once, I can beat it again. I have accomplished a lot in the past four years, and I need to remember that. I may not be on the mountaintop right now, but I have been there before, and I know how to get there. I have the tools. I belong up there.
Today's affirmation is I AM STRONG. I am strong mentally, and I am strong physically, and the combination will get me anywhere I want to go. And right now, I want to be on that mountaintop.
Stay tuned.
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